


Nothing But Luck ('Cause She Got Me Involved)

by werebird



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Break Up, Character Study, Dysfunctional Relationships, M/M, Possessive Behavior, Relationship Negotiation, Threesome - F/M/M, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-24 23:16:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6170545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/werebird/pseuds/werebird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Usually, when it has been just the two of them, their relationship had always been a little on the unhealthy side, too intense, very co-dependent and reckless. But now when it's the two of them and someone else, they are able to put some distance between them. Just enough space to be filled with sanity and a healthy dose of emotional detachment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing But Luck ('Cause She Got Me Involved)

Liam puts a hand against the cold tiles of their bathroom wall as he stands under the hot spray of the shower. He's in his mid-twenties, he shouldn't still suffer from shaky legs after sex, but he can't seem to get a grip. He's asked around. He's asked Louis once when they were drunk and he's asked Niall during one of their more private talks, and - no, both of them had said they never suffer from weak knees after sex. And they've never heard from anyone past the age of seventeen who still feels like this. But Liam does. And neither Louis nor Niall have any idea how sex with Zayn Malik can fuck you up. In the best of ways. So after a while he's stopped feeling ashamed, and had started feeling a sense of pride instead. 

He uses the hand on the tiles to steady himself while he lets the water run over his body. His skin is still sensitive, soft and sore alike from being touched all night. 

He often showers alone, takes his time to clean himself up, to relax not only his muscles but also his mind. He needs those moments of solitude. Luckily, Zayn is different. He doesn't need to be alone, doesn't need time to calm down, to come down from being high on sexual overdrive. He's not as likely to lose himself, not like Liam. 

It's good because while Liam deals with himself, Zayn deals with the rest of the situation. He usually has a cigarette, either by himself or with their guest, depending on whether or not they enjoy a casual smoke after a more or less intense sexual experience. Sometimes they have another beer or a diet coke, something him and Liam don't really enjoy but most of the girls do, before Zayn calls them a car and pays for it in advance. 

None of the girls were ever in need of their generosity, but Liam doesn't like sending people off without knowing they'll get home safe. Some of the girl's bank accounts hold more money than Liam and Zayn combined. They're models, singers, business women. No one had ever said no to them. 

Liam has never been the jealous type but that didn't mean he wasn't possessive - both, in the sense that he needed to know someone was his and that he craved to be someone's. Not someone's. Zayn's. It had always been Zayn. When there were Danielle and Sophia, with Perrie, Carlyn or Cheryl, it didn't matter.They were all desirable, successful, witty and incredible in bed, but when the lights went off eventually it had only been Zayn. 

It wasn't a secret. That's why Zayn would change the sheets and dispose of condoms, empty bottles or forgotten clothes, dispose of their traces, while Liam would be in the shower trying to find his normal self again. 

Liam loves his music, he loves his work, he loves his family and he wishes he'd knew all the ways in which he could make this world a better place. He's modest usually - yes, he likes his sports car and his designer watch, but he's not greedy. Unless he's in bed with Zayn. Then he's insatiable. 

It's not unusual that Zayn has to fuck him again, later, after the girl had left, when it's just the two of them, that he has to make Liam come again, from slow, forceful thrusts. It doesn't matter that Liam would have spent a whole night having not only Zayn's but someone else's hands on him, being fucked and sucked dry, watching Zayn eat someone else out, watching Zayn fucking his most recent girlfriend, while he would gently wrap his arm around her, hold her close against his chest, taking all the friction Zayn would give him, give them by thrusting into her. 

Liam fucks them too. But most of them had preferred Zayn and Liam can't argue with it, because no one likes being dicked down by Zayn even half as much as he does. Zayn radiates grace and confidence even when he's balls-deep inside of you, he's relaxed, considerate and patient, while Liam is -, he is hungry, impatient, tortured by urgency and restlessness. He's clumsy, sweaty and eager. Not really what most of them come here for.

The shower spray hits his face now, the water runs over his lips and chin, over his chest, his spent cock and down his still wobbly legs. Mindlessly, he reaches behind him, sneaks a finger between his cheeks to feel how loose he's still his. He's got two loads of Zayn's come in him, but he can feel it leak since he first got up from the bed.

Rules. There are always rules, of course. Between him and Zayn there have to be rules, because they have already tried without them and Liam had ended up with a broken arm and Zayn had just left altogether. 

They used to fight more, they used to frustrate each other, used to drive each other mad with their mood swings. It's not like that anymore. They've since found their balance. Ironically what eventually got them closer was bringing someone else between them. 

Usually, when it has been just the two of them, their relationship had always been a little on the unhealthy side, too intense, very co-dependent and reckless. But now when it's the two of them and someone else, they are able to put some distance between them. Just enough space to be filled with sanity and a healthy dose of emotional detachment. 

Despite his shaky legs and his exhaustion, Liam feels restless, wired, on edge. 

He's gotten dangerously close tonight to breaking the rules. He's asked for far more than what was agreed on. Had demanded almost all of Zayn's focus, had completely ignored the fact it hadn't been just the two of them in the room, had begged Zayn to fuck him until the very end. Twice. 

He'd clung to Zayn, had called him names that had been long forgotten while pushing all his buttons in his attempts to make Zayn abandon the rules all together, to make him go hard, rough, to turn something as enjoyable as sex into some kind of religious pilgrimage. And not because he was jealous. He loved seeing the way Zayn got turned on when he's got his face buried between someone's thighs. Loved the way Zayn had looked at her, with dark eyes and that smile he only got when he wanted something and knew he was going to get it. Loved the way his hands had looked on her breasts, the way his hips had looked between her legs, the way her lips had looked around his cock. No, it wasn't jealousy. It was because he was lost. 

For years the only thing that had made him feel alive was being with Zayn. Between working 24/7, following other people's schedules and maneuvering his own difficulties between steady friendships, the only thing that had challenged him, had touched him down to his bones and had held him up against the dark had been whatever he and Zayn had. 

Whether it was good or bad, painful or healing, right or wrong, reliable or inconsistent didn't matter. It had been the only thing that had felt real in a word so fake. 

With Zayn away most of the time, Liam had to look for that sign of life and reality within himself. And while Liam was convinced there had to be a part of him that could give purpose and shelter, he was afraid to look. Scared he won't find anything. Terrified that he might have to face the fact that he alone, won't ever be enough. 

"You okay there?"

Zayn had obviously finished up whatever he usually had to deal with and was leaning against the wall across from the shower cabin. 

Liam glances up quickly before he holds his head under the spray once more. 

"Got a bit carried away, huh?" Zayn asks.

Liam mumbles an apology, but Zayn doesn't seem like he cares. 

"You can't keep doing this, Liam. Making up rules and then breaking them," he goes on. And it's not like Liam doesn't know. "Begging me to fuck you bare when we're not alone? Being rough when we're not alone? Refusing to talk when we're not alone? You can't do this shit," he says, voice thick with frustration, smoke and sex. 

Liam forces out another apology, yet Zayn still doesn't react. 

"If you can't handle it, you gotta get out, babe. But don't make me throw you out. That's not fair."

Liam turns off the water and slides the door open 

"Did you like it?" he asks while grabbing a towel from a fresh stack. 

"It doesn't matter," Zayn says. He watches Liam drying himself off. 

"Did you?" Liam asks again. 

"So? What if I did. There was a time I liked to fuck you against the next wall whenever you spent a night out with Sophia alone. And I do recall a time where you liked to ride me sore just so I couldn't even touch myself when I was off on vacation with Perrie. It doesn't matter if I liked it. Point is you fucked up and possibly ruined a potentially good thing because you never know when to stop, Liam. You never know when it's too much and we cross over into the land of insanity and obsession again."

"Oh, and you know?" Liam dumps the towel in a corner of the bathroom. He's not going to use that one twice anyway. 

"At least I'm trying to learn." He pushes himself away from the wall and follows Liam into the bedroom.

"Why did you do it then?" Liam asks annoyed.

"Because I love you and you know I wouldn't say no." He sits down on the foot of the bed. "But I don't think this is working anymore. I know it did for the longest time, but it doesn't anymore."

"You falling for her or what?" Liam asks sarcastically while he digs through the closet for a fresh shirt. Sarcastically. But the silence that follows is deafening. 

"We have lots in common," Zayn finally admits. "She's cool, Liam. She's pretty cool".

"So cool that you want her for yourself."

"So cool that I won't have you risking what we already have. Or make her feel unsafe. Or unwanted," Zayn says.

"Pretty sure she can take care of herself," Liam says, not owning up to what went wrong. Zayn gives him a look of annoyance. "So what? You're going to end this? Going to leave me again?" Liam asks.

"This isn't healthy. Has never been."

"I don't care about healthy," Liam almost shouts.

"We're ruining us, don't you see?"

"We're making it work. Us."

"Don't say that, Liam. You and me, we both know we're a fucking disaster. I'm tired that the only way I can show you how much I love to is to hurt you. And letting you hurt me in return."

"It's not."

"It is. And I hate it. Don't you hate it?"

Liam turns to look at Zayn, really look at him for the first time since he came into the bathroom to talk. "Is that really how you see us? We're not just that, you know? We used to be anything but rough."

"Exactly," Zayn agrees. "We used to. But we changed." What hasn't changed is Zayn's ability to hold Liam's gaze in a way no one else can. He was never big on social interaction, but he never shied away from making eye contact with Liam.

"I want to go back. I want that back," Liam admits. 

"And I want to move on," Zayn says, putting it out there. The thing that's always been separating them. The directions each of them wants to go. "I want to move on," he repeats. 

"With her?"

"Does it matter?"

"I guess not," Liam says and makes a move to grab his jacket and shoes. They used to stay together. Always used to stay together after. But Liam is not in the mood to be around him now. 

"Don't go, Liam. Don't just leave!"

"Like you?" Liam snaps.

Zayn flinches at that. They have argued about it a million times, have gone over it over and over again, but Liam can't find a way to let it go. Can't stop picking the scar. 

There's a moment of complete silence before Zayn's suddenly up in his space, two hands fisting his shirt, pushing against him, kissing him, sucking and biting on his lips. 

It's reflex for Liam to push back, not to push Zayn away, but to respond to having Zayn's lips on him. 

He pushes them back against the bed and down on the rumpled sheets. Zayn claws at his shoulder blades and back muscles. Pulling him closer and closer. 

Zayn rolls them over soon and Liam lets himself be pinned down.

"Not gonna fuck you again," Zayn says and it almost sounds like a threat. "Not gonna let you go either."

Liam snorts. He could probably free himself within seconds if he wanted to. 

Zayn ignores him, instead he lays his head down on Liam's chest, presses his ear over his heart. Liam is breathing hard and his frantic heartbeat echoes heavily in his ears, so he knows what Zayn's hearing too. 

"Is this goodbye?" he asks finally, arms spread out in defeat while Zayn brackets him, clumsily and silently. 

Zayn only answers by digging his fingers deeper into Liam's biceps and pressing his ear even closer to Liam's chest. 

Liam wonders how he's ever supposed to go on living without this. Without Zayn's weight on his body and heart, without Zayn's scent in his nose and his warmth on his skin. 

When Zayn starts to shiver, maybe because he's cold, maybe because he's crying, maybe because he's scared, too, of how things will change as soon as the sun rises, Liam eventually succumbs to the the twitch in his fingers and slings his arms around Zayn in return, not knowing if he's holding him in place or clinging to him in case he'll move. 

 

 


End file.
